Food Hoarding: Not Just For Hamsters

Hamster

Did you have a hamster as a child? I did, and I remember that whenever we filled up its bowl with the sunflower seeds and the multicolored pellets that consisted of hamster food, the little guy or gal (we had multiple rodents) would go to town filling up their little cheek pouches for later. I respect the hamster and its knowledge that you may need a stash for later.

I should pre-empt my forthcoming confession with the acknowledgement that whereas sometimes money has been tight in both childhood and my adulting years, I have never starved, been close to starving, or have been in such dire straights that I lived off of Ramen Noodles. Still, when there is food available, particularly free food, I will hoard the ever loving shit out of that food.

I have a food drawer at work. A drawer that’s sole purpose is a place for me to collect and gather snacks that I do not want or need in that moment but may become wanted or needed at another time. The “needed” scenario in my mind plays out as some disaster occurring in our building leaving my coworkers and I cut off from the outside world (and the well stocked kitchen that exists at said work) and I helpfully supply my colleagues with protein bars, oreos and granola, until days later when emergency crews are able to rescue us. In this scenario I must admit that I’m still a selfish jerk because I have the last protein bar hidden in my bra, because again, I’m a food hoarder.

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See, it actually exists.

Beyond the food drawer I am also terrible when we get catered lunch at work. There are inevitably leftovers and an email will go out inviting us to take some home. I will take enough food that neither I nor my roommate/brother will need to cook for a week. This might make more sense if I hated cooking, didn’t stock my own kitchen, or couldn’t afford groceries. None of those scenarios apply. What I do have is an overwhelming concern that I will run out of food, and I love food so that is a terrifying scenario.

I’ve often wondered what has caused this desire to keep food: My love of food in all of its forms? My mormon heritage that encourages having a year supply? My general gluttony? Maybe, but I probably just starved to death in a past life. So how about you guys? Any other food hoarders out there?

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